Ribbit!

The other day I snuck into My Hiding Place (see last week’s post, Safer than a Glass Box) and I asked the LORD how He sees me. As I closed my eyes in prayer I saw a picture of (don’t laugh) a frog. I thought “Oh, great… of all things. Couldn’t He see me as a princess or a beautiful child or a valiant warrior or something lovely or powerful? But then I heard Him whisper to my heart-- “You sing in the night, like My frogs.”

I like that. This is what I am doing here in this blog. I may not make the most beautiful sound, but I am singing out as a sign of life in the pitch blackness. If anyone out there is feeling hopeless or discouraged, I hope that it encourages you to know that you are not alone in your heartache. There is someone else here in the mud with you and I’m croaking out my song with all my heart. It goes like this… 

“Jesus is faithful. He loves you and He is enough to carry 

your heart every day through whatever you are facing.”

My father has a cabin way out in the sticks of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, and on many a trip up there we would make a nighttime visit to the frog pond. Upon arrival we would be told “Shhhh… turn off all the lights and don’t make a sound.” And then we would hear them… not just one frog, but a whole chorus. For such tiny creatures, together they were croaking out a symphony that was overpowering. In the middle of that wild and scary darkness there was singing coming from every direction.

So I guess what I am trying to say is… go ahead and sing out the encouragement God gives you. Don’t be afraid to share your story. Let’s make a beautiful ruckus in the middle of the night, and let the world know that there is life here. Because apart from Jesus, people don’t know that it’s possible to sing in the dark.

When we share God’s Word with each other, we build each other’s faith. Romans 10:17 says “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

It says in Hebrews 11:30 “By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days.” Do you ever feel like any of your adult children have thick, impenetrable walls separating them from God and from you? Take heart! There was no sign of movement at all in the walls of Jericho until suddenly God brought them down. And He did it, not by human strength (or by a parent having the right skills or answers or advice). He did it “By faith”.  I want to be the best parent I can be, but the miracles I am waiting for will come only one way… by God’s grace through faith. And faith is not something I can muster up. It’s a gift God gives through the hearing of His Word. And through croaking it out! The more we hear and speak out the truths of God’s words, the more our faith grows.

  

Is there a song you could sing out today? Maybe you would like to share a line or two of your song here in the comments of this blog.   

Safer than a Glass Box

When I was a teenager, and into my twenties, I struggled with bulimia. A few people eventually knew, but for the most part I lived a desperately lonely, secret life. My days revolved around trying to control my eating and my weight. I felt like I walked around in a glass box, able to see the people around me, but unable to feel their touch. They offered me love, which I outwardly accepted, but in my heart I rejected it thinking, “If you only knew the ugly thoughts I have, you wouldn’t love me.” My soul was starving because I wouldn’t take in love from people who didn’t really know me, which was everyone. And shame kept me hiding.

Fast forward 30 years.

My son was sentenced on Friday, and Sunday at church someone came up to me and said “I saw the article in the paper…”  My heart sank and my first inclination was to hide, because I hadn’t seen the article yet. My thoughts raced… “What did they say about my son this time?” And then… “What do people think of me?”

One beautiful gift God has given me through all this pain is the gift of a Hiding Place. I am learning that I don’t have to hide inside myself. I can run into the safety of my Savior who knows me completely--- every sin and failure, everything I’ve done wrong, every parenting mistake that affected my children--- and He stands tall behind me, smiling, and wraps His big strong arms around me. And He speaks out loud into my ear, in front of everyone, that I am forgiven and that He delights in me. Outrageous grace!

 “ALL BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE, MY DARLING;

THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU.”

Song of Songs 4:7

If, like me, you have struggled with shame, I want you to know that this Hiding Place is handicap accessible. It is made for weak and broken people, with a Door that flings wide open when we choose to trust Jesus. Jesus says in John 10:9 “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved…” The button is a simple desperate prayer--- “Jesus, I need You. Please help me.”

And once we enter by the Door, Jesus gives us full access to Himself.

This is an amazing gift and I wish I could unwrap it all at once. But for me, it’s been a progressive journey of coming to trust that I am secure, always and forever, held safe in Jesus’ arms. Some days trusting God is easier than on other days. Some days I still flounder. But when I look back through the years I know that through every trial Jesus is wooing my heart, drawing me to Himself, showing me more and more of His faithfulness. That is His goodness. As painful as it can be, I am thankful for every opportunity to run deeper into the heart of God--- My Hiding Place. As I cling to His Word, He speaks to me… “I love you.”

One day at a time, My Hiding Place is becoming more and more my home.

                            “You are a hiding place for me;

 you preserve me from trouble;

 you surround me with shouts of deliverance.”

Psalm 32:7

Name Change

After much deliberation, I have decided to change the title of my blog to… (drumroll) A Stronger Safety. This was the title of my first post and the title I had first chosen for this blog. I hope this does not cause any confusion, but I would like to expand the focus of my blog to include a slightly wider range of material--- with less focus on the “prodigal” and more attention given to the journey of learning to trust Jesus, whatever issues arise. To be honest, I am uncomfortable labeling any beloved child of God as a prodigal because I believe God is restoring them, and that’s where I want to fix my eyes.

We have all been prodigals at some time in our lives, in some fashion. And many times we, as parents of “prodigals” need to run into the waiting arms of Jesus just as much as our children do.  I can run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to control my life and my children’s lives so that we are safe.  To quote from my first post on this blog---

“Safety… it seems to be a basic need. When I don’t feel safe, I don’t have peace. To be honest with you, writing a blog does not feel at all safe to me. There is nowhere to hide. I am exposed to the entire world. But just beyond my fear there is a safety that is stronger than the safety of being unknown. It is stronger than the safety of order and control and not making mistakes. And it is stronger than the safety of having well-adjusted children who follow the rules, make wise choices, love God and love me. This Stronger Safety is a person—Jesus Christ, and this blog will be about Him.”

Because I still have sons in the court system and battling addictions, I hope that my posts will continue to be relevant to those of you seeking peace while loving prodigals. We will see where God takes me. Maybe the name will be the only noticeable difference. I hope you will still tune in and that the change will remind you more of the safety we have in Jesus, than the issues that bombard us.

You can watch for my first post in A Stronger Safety  within the next week or so.

Please let me know your thoughts!

The Crossroads

What do you do when you don’t understand God’s ways?

One day Jesus gave a hard teaching that His followers did not understand. Thus, they came to a crossroad. They had to make a choice whether they would still believe though they did not understand, or whether... they would walk away.

This day is recorded for us in the Bible. Following Jesus’ teaching, John 6:66,67 says “After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?”

I’ve been at such a crossroad; have you? Just this past weekend I learned that the dear son of Christian parents passed away following a long, difficult battle with addiction and depression. I had to get alone and go out for a walk and cry out to God. “Why? I don’t understand, Jesus, why You didn’t heal him in this life.” I felt the walls around my heart go up, as if to protect myself from the God Who alone holds the power to heal my children.

Sometimes I am shaken and I flail around awhile wondering where the Rock is to stand upon… when I don’t see the whole picture and God appears to be unfaithful. But, like Peter, in this Bible story, I always come back to “Lord, to whom shall we go?” John 6:68,69 says “Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

Sometimes, much of the time, I don’t have answers. But what I do know is that Jesus is alive… and He is the Lover of my soul. He died for me and He died for my children… suffering beyond my comprehension to purchase our salvation, healing and deliverance. I have felt His loving Presence and witnessed His power. I have heard testimony after testimony of the things He has done to show us that He is good. I have seen Him heal and I have heard Him whisper that He loves me. I can trust Him when I don’t understand. No one can tell me anything different because--- I believe that Jesus is faithful. That’s the bottom line. I believe Joshua 21:45 which says “Not one word of all the good promises that the LORD had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass.”

When I am shaken, I don’t see any other viable option than to wrap my little arms tighter around His big, strong chest and bury my ear deeper in to find His heartbeat. He holds me fast. And I continue to believe that He answers the prayers of His children.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)

LORD Jesus, please comfort those whose hearts ache.

 Draw us closer into Your embrace

where You hold us fast and give us unwavering trust.  

Demand Their Release

In the spiritual realms we are dealing with a hostage situation here.

Children have been groomed, lured away, lied to, falsely promised things that only Jesus can give them... and, following their own sinful choices, have been suddenly taken at gunpoint into captivity. Many of these children are now adults and have been in bondage for years.

As a parent of such a child I have found hope in the early chapters of Exodus where God delivers the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. Like Israel’s children, my child is also held captive. He has suffered many years of slavery to drug and alcohol abuse. These slave drivers have been cruel, mercilessly beating his mind and body, leaving him penniless, uneducated, sick, scarred, and incarcerated. They have forced him to live in isolation, far from true connection with family and God.

 Maybe you have a child in slavery also? God cares.

Exodus 6:5-11 says “… I have heard the groaning of the people of Israel whom the Egyptians hold as slaves, and I have remembered my covenant. Say therefore to the people of Israel, ‘I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession. I am the LORD.’ ” Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel, but they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery. So the LORD said to Moses, “Go in, tell Pharaoh king of Egypt to let the people of Israel go out of his land.”

These people were hurting so badly that they had no hope in God. They could not believe God cared about them. But God pursued them anyway. Isn’t that beautiful, amazing grace!? He still sent them a Deliverer. He still set them free. He cared. He understood their pain and He did it all… full salvation for a sinful people who could not even reach for Him.

When the people didn’t believe… when they refused to listen to God’s words of love and hope, God basically told Moses “Go deliver them anyway. You speak to Pharaoh on their behalf and demand their release.”

So as a parent of a child in harsh slavery, that is what I will do. I will not be discouraged by his unbelief. I will not be silent in the heavenly realms. I am not his Deliverer, but because Jesus is, I will speak to the enemy of my child’s soul and demand his release in the name of Jesus. And there is all the power and authority in heaven and on earth behind that Name.

 

 

I know I haven't written for awhile, and I'm a bit rusty, but I want to pass on some things the LORD has encouraged me with, in hopes you will also be encouraged. Over the last year and a half, since I last wrote, God has been completely faithful to me. Though I still await His answers for many of my prayers for my children, He has given me peace and joy and great hope. I hope this post will encourage you. You are greatly loved by God... and you are not alone in whatever you are facing. He is with you.  

He Listened to Me

 

     Who do you call when you’re angry? I only call my closest friends. When I am angry I am vulnerable. Something has burned into my very core and caused deep pain that I cannot express nicely.

     There was a time that God was fuming angry with the children of Israel, angry enough to destroy them. But Moses interceded for them and later he wrote about it, saying “the LORD listened to me…” (Deut. 9:19). This fascinates me to think that God would listen to a man, in the midst of His own intense anger. In my experience, most men will not listen to anyone when they are angry. But God listened to a man and did what the man asked. God made Himself vulnerable to a man… He was that open and intimate.

     This story is for us as we intercede for our children. The picture here is not one of a reserved king hearing and granting the request of a peasant. Rather it is the unveiling of the God who values the friendship and partnership of an individual man. Can it be?! I believe this is the relationship that God wants with each of us.

     Don’t get me wrong. Moses did not in any way consider this friendship with God to mean equality. No, Moses was on his face as he spoke with God, recognizing the awesome power and authority and absolute holiness of the God he was speaking to. Moses knew that if not for God’s mercy he would be consumed. But he also knew that God loved him with a fierceness greater than His anger. He knew that he was the apple of God’s eye, His treasured possession, that God wanted to be with him, and that He valued what he had to say.

     The Bible says that God spoke to Moses “face to face as a man speaks to his friend.”(Ex.33:11). What was that like?! Whatever it was I believe it’s available to us, and not only available, but something that God desired enough to die for. Jesus says in John 15:15 “No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends…”

 

LORD Jesus, I want to know You face to face.

You are the most humble, approachable and trustworthy Friend I have.

I am honored that You would actually value what I say.

Thank-you that you allow my prayers to affect you.

Thank-you for listening to me and wanting me to be Your friend.

 

 

    

Just a Glitch

“Visitors for Popa.” The officer propped open the heavy steel door, allowing us to enter. We held our jackets open as he wanded us down, front then back, one by one. Satisfied that we were weapon-free, he unlocked the next steel door leading into the room where we would visit our son. To my left, a wall-length black window hid the officer who would supervise our visit. Ignoring him, my eyes scanned the several small cubicles on the right. There he was, silently waiting behind the thick glass. We bent down under the counter and watched for the flashing light that would signal us to pick up the phone and begin our awkward, recorded 30 minute visit. This is our Sunday routine.

As I gazed into my son’s eyes through the glass today I realized how deeply I miss him. Regular sleep and three meals a day… he looked healthier than approximately 75 days ago when his drug-addict lifestyle had brought him in. Laughing shyly and retelling a funny experience, the glint in his eyes drew my heart in to him. For a brief moment, the innocent freedom of joy connected our hearts and we were one again. This child, who was energized by risk-taking and lived outside the box, who took more of my time and energy than all my other children combined, could also make me laugh more than anyone in the world. As we laughed today I realized the huge void I feel with him gone.

What do I do with my life now? My children were my job and they’re leaving. Maintaining emotional equilibrium has never been my forte, but I don’t recall ever feeling so consistently weak. Anxiety closes in and I feel lost inside, frantically trying to find the door in the dark.

My youngest son says my brain is glitchy. We laugh, but in reality this isn’t funny to me. There is a brokenness in me somewhere that I can’t fix.

 A glitch is when I think about myself way too much, making it hard to concentrate on the world outside. Underlying all this self-focus is a pesky lie that God will not take care of me. I have been a Christian for nearly 50 years. That’s a long time to walk with the LORD and still glitch. You would think by now I would trust Him unwaveringly.

It says in Hebrews 10:23(NIV) “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” God is faithful… trustworthy… he will do what He has promised.

What has God promised me?   Peace, joy, hope, fruitfulness, steadfast love, forgiveness, righteousness, beauty, protection, guidance, wisdom. He promises me that He will speak to me, bless me and my children, teach me, answer my prayers, lead me in good paths, make me a fisher of men, hold me secure, never leave me. He will rejoice over me with singing, empower me to do whatever He calls me to and surround me with His favor as with a shield.  I will not throw away my confidence.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.” Hebrews 10:35(NIV)

Jesus loves me, even though I waver. He actually chooses weak people to be His dearly loved children. He says to me “Weakness? No problem… it’s just a glitch!”

I would never have survived this many glitches without Jesus. He is my only stability, and if it were not for Him I would always glitch, not just once in a while.

In times of emotional chaos my strong Savior understands me. He holds me and says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9(NIV)

He also says “…let the weak say, I am strong.” Joel 3:10(KJV). Jesus sees my weakness more completely than I do, and yet He invites me to say “I am Strong!” What makes a person strong? Is it how they feel? Isn’t it rather who they are in their core? I have the Spirit of the resurrected Christ in me, in my core. The truth is… He has all of my needs covered and He is bursting for me to get out there and release His strong love onto a lost and hurting world.

 

LORD, thank-you for Your Strength that lives in me. I am Strong! Your joy lifts up my head. Your faithfulness leads me out of frantically trying to protect myself.  Thank-you for loving me, for tenderly taking care of me, and for covering my weakness with grace.  Please teach me to trust You without wavering.