The End of the Christmas Story

The simple Gospel… that’s what Christmas is all about—Jesus coming for people who don’t have it all together. It’s not about everyone in my family being sober and happy and here, and it’s not about us all getting along and feeling that wonderful Christmassy feeling. In all our mess and brokenness… we have a Savior!

I have lived in a measure of brokenness a long time, waiting for certain desperate prayers to be answered, and at a glance it looks like God has not intervened. I can imagine that the Israelites might feel the same way--- suffering persecution, heartache, oppression, attacks. But in Isaiah 46:3,4  God says…  

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob,

 all you who remain of the house of Israel,

 you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,

 and have carried since your birth.

 Even to your old age and gray hairs

 I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

 I have made you and I will carry you;

 I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

 

God has tenderly upheld and carried Israel’s family and He will continue to carry them, sustain them and rescue them all their days, whether or not they are aware of or understand His actions on their behalf. Their history is all part of the Christmas story and we can now read it and see God’s faithfulness. They have survived and their end will be GLORIOUS.

 Galatians 3:29 says “If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” As a believer in Jesus Christ, the LORD has grafted me into this family and I receive the same care. The LORD is upholding, carrying, sustaining and rescuing me and my family. When God made these promises to the Israelites, they were not just to individuals, but to the whole family. And He says to me in Isaiah 49:23 “…those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

 So today I am fixing my eyes not on the mess, but on the Savior. And this gives me joy!

 

“Thank-you Jesus, that You are upholding, carrying, sustaining and rescuing us. Someday I will see the end of this Christmas story and it will shine forth with Your breathtaking faithfulness. Thank-you, my Beautiful Savior.”

The Perfect Gift for Parents of Prodigals

The shrill sound of a whistle pierced the air again. “Traveling”.  His fists clenched and my heart sank as I watched his pain seep out through the cracks of the lid. He tried hard to keep it all down under, but the boiling threatened to explode at any moment. He was “not good enough”… working harder than anyone out there and losing the joy of the game.

How can I tell him he’s already good enough? “Play like it doesn’t matter how you do. Play like it’s just fun.”

What a picture of my own struggle. I need to hear those words over my life too. “Play like it doesn’t matter how you do. Play like it’s just fun.” So much of the pressure falls off when I let Jesus whisper that into my ear. He tells me I’m already loved, already pleasing to Him because Jesus died for my sins and made me perfectly right with Him.

I find it challenging at Christmastime to find a gift for someone who doesn’t need anything. It is easy to give to those with lots of visible needs, but a gift brings less joy when it’s perceived to be unneeded. One of the benefits of having a prodigal child is that I am regularly forced to see the “in my face” truth of my neediness. It’s not only “in my face” but it’s also out there for others to see.

 When my children were little I found comfort in a sign on a friend’s refrigerator that said “If parents were perfect, their children wouldn’t need God.” I think I could add another sign… “If parents were perfect they wouldn’t need God.

I need God. And one of the worst places I can be is away from that truth. There is a sweet spot that can be found somewhere in the middle of recognizing my total inadequacy to meet my child’s deep needs. It can also be found when I feel like I have nothing to write, no answers, no strength to hold my own head up, let alone anyone else’s. It is that wonderful place where my thirsty heart soaks up the words of Luke 2:10,11…

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you  good news of great joy that will be for  all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.”

 

“Father God, You have given me the perfect gift—Jesus.

Thank-you with all my heart.

 Jesus, I am a sinner and lost without You.

 You are my Savior and I throw myself into Your arms

 and cling to Your neck with my whole being.

 Thank-you for loving me just as I am.”

I Believe

"I would have despaired unless I had believed

 that I would see the goodness of the LORD

 in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

Be strong and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the LORD."

 

Psalm 27:13-14

Manoah's Parenting Manual: How to Raise a Wild Man

Just tell me what to do. Teach me the rule; show me the boundary. Make known to me the plan, the steps to take to get there--- then I feel safe. I can relate to Manoah, the father of Samson in Judges 13. Manoah’s wife, who had been barren, was told by the LORD that she would have a son who would deliver Israel from their enemies. What was Manoah’s response to this awesome news? In Judge 13:8 he responded by begging God “…teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.” Again in verse 12 he says “…what is to be the rule for the boy’s life and work?” God almost seems to not answer the question, because His answer was simply that they were to dedicate him to the LORD. I can imagine them standing there wondering “But what do we do?”

I think God was saying “You won’t be able to prepare him by rules. Only I can empower him to do the work I’ve created him to do. Your job is to continually give him over to Me.”

As a parent I’ve often felt clueless when faced with decisions about rules for a child who will not obey. Fear rushes in as I envision the dangerous path my child is on, and a lie blasts in my ears that his safety and future depend on which rule I pick. Samson was a wild man. Had he lived today I think he probably would have spent many a school day in the principal’s office, and years in trouble with the law. He was not one to say “Just tell me what to do.” I think it was God’s mercy to tell Samson’s parents right from the start, “This is My child. You do the best you can to raise him according to My Word, but it will be My Spirit stirring him that will empower him and make him great.”

This week the words of Judges 13:25 have been cycling through my heart. “…the Spirit of the LORD began to stir him…” This is a gentle yet powerful phrase. The great Creator of the universe interacts intimately with us such that He can “stir” us… God interacting with one single human heart. No matter how successful and prosperous our children appear, no matter how good we may have done at parenting, the truth remains that their ultimate success depends solely on the Spirit of the LORD beginning to stir them.

 

“LORD, I give my children to You. Thank-you that You are holding them. In Jesus’ name I ask You to stir their hearts to know You. Stir their hearts to hunger for Your Word and hear Your voice. Stir their hearts to love You passionately and give their lives to follow You.”

Armed and Dangerous

I wander through the mall, my heart breaking as I remember my son’s eyes—like windows barely cracked open, hiding the widespread destruction wrought by the enemy of his soul. How can I go shopping while he carries such pain? I have to let him go, but I cannot. I love him.

This week I have battled to find peace-- fear trying to devour me. But fear will never win this war. I am a daughter of The Most High God, indwelt by the Holy Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead. And though I am merely a child in the arms of her Father, I am armed and dangerous. I am not like the unarmed crew of a cargo ship, hiding below deck from attacking pirates. I will fight on my knees until my son is set free.

The lie is that I am powerless. The truth is that I have been given weapons, and “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10:4

I may feel afraid at times, but I will draw my sword and run straight toward the enemy because I have the name of Jesus, the blood of Jesus, the Word of God, the power of the Holy Spirit, and massive angels running with me.

All too often I catch myself feeling like I can’t rest, can’t relax the fight, as if my son’s life depended on me. How foolish! I am called to the front lines, but I am carried there by the LORD. And when I need to rest, the One who holds me securely in His arms continues to fight for me. Romans 8:26 says “…the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”

Waiting

“Since ancient times no one has heard,

no ear has perceived,

no eye has seen any God besides you,

who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

 Isaiah 64:4

 

When I was about eleven I was hospitalized for a surgery on my leg. I remember feeling panicky, suffocating in loneliness as I lay in that bed alone in my room. I was waiting for my dad to come. He was my security. I pressed the call button and asked the nurse to be sure to send him in to me when he came to the desk no matter how late it got. I needed him and I was waiting for him with intensity, knowing he would take care of me.

Now I do not know if my dad knew how intently I was waiting for him, but I know that if I knew one of my children was waiting for me like that--- I would do just about anything to get to them. And I believe that when God sees our hearts waiting for Him, trusting He will come, His father heart cannot turn away. He acts.

 

“So Jesus, I am waiting for YOU. All my hope for my children is in You. I trust You. I know You will act on my behalf, because You love me as Your dear child. Thank-you LORD. You are my security.”

Behold Our God!

Today as I read Isaiah 62 I am captured by God’s passion for Israel and His plan that they would be a light to lead the rest of the nations into the knowledge of Him. Isaiah 62:1 says… “For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch.” This is the greatness of our God! He will not give up. Relentless, He will keep speaking, keep pursuing, until His people burst forth in the brilliant glory of salvation. He is a Warrior, abandoned in love, and He wins His bride over. His undying, overcoming love for Israel, a child who has rejected Him and repeatedly rebelled against Him, is to be a banner for all the world to see how great is the love and commitment He has to redeem us. It’s like He’s standing up on a high platform, holding up this banner, His relationship with Israel, and shouting to us, “THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!”

This is our God! As we pray for our children I believe He pursues them with all the passion of Isaiah 62.

Isaiah 62:6 and 7 say… “I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the LORD, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.” God has called people to pray for Israel until her salvation shines out like a blazing torch, and God has also set us up like this as watchmen to pray for our children. He has invited us into the battle to pray in His purposes for them.

Let us be strong and never give up, until their righteousness and salvation blaze forth. And then may they become bright torches to lead others through the dark into the arms of the LORD also.

A Parent's Mirage of Control

Preoccupied with housework, I was oblivious to what was going on around me. As my husband would say, I usually don’t notice the pink elephant on the side of the road as we drive by. I remember one time my child thoroughly painted himself, the TV and nearly everything nearby with shortening while I was clueless, baking bread in the same room. Anyway, back to the story… suddenly I realized that all the while I was daydreaming, my husband had been putting up Christmas decorations. Without my notice, our house had been transformed into something resembling K-Mart at Christmastime, on steroids. Gaudy red and green adornments glared at me everywhere I turned, like neon signs.

 Ugh! I panicked. Quickly I did the math and realized it was only mid-November. How was I ever going to make it all the way to Christmas, at which time I could finally take them down? Panic soon gave way to boiling over anger. How could my husband do this when he knows how I hate knickknacks, especially around the holidays? Seething, I tried to get up and follow him out the door to tell him how angry I was before he left me fuming for the rest of the day. But, for the life of me, I couldn’t get up. I struggled against an unseen force that held me paralyzed until finally… I woke up. I sprang to my feet only to relax into the wonderful realization that it had all been a dream.

I hate to admit it, but having a nightmare like this one is probably a sure sign of being a control freak. Needless to say, I like having my environment orderly and simple. I am easily overwhelmed by clutter. It seems a large part of my time is spent trying to keep my life, possessions, responsibilities and relationships all at a manageable level, where I feel a sense of control.

The issues involved with having a prodigal child are not manageable. I cannot control his choices, his safety, his happiness, his effect on family dynamics, or his beliefs about me or about God. Deep down I feel responsible for all these things because he’s my son. But the other day I sensed God speak to me about my children. He quietly said, “Let’s think about them as My kids.” It’s a subtle shift in thought, but it takes the pressure off. Instead of feeling like I’m responsible, it helps me let go of that need for control because, as their Father, God has assumed the responsibility for my kids. Their salvation and the full rescue and redemption of their lives is in His hands. He calls me simply to walk alongside them, follow the Shepherd’s voice, and to “Be still, and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

I Fix My Eyes on the Truth

One of our sons just got out of prison. What a joy to have him home—a sweet reunion. Trust restored, deep love is enjoyed again, a fresh start. We thank the LORD.

But Sunday night we received a call… another son is in jail. Too many unknowns… calls, visits and letters are monitored. Will we ever know the truth? Will we ever know the extent of all he’s lived through already at his young age?

The hopeless-looking aspects of his situation are large and in my face again. How do I look past them and fix my eyes on the Unseen? 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV) says “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” I know God has given me this word to hang onto during this time in my life. It gives me hope, reminding me that there is much more here than I can now see. There is another realm, another kingdom that is fighting for my son’s life. And the kingdom of light is stronger than the kingdom of darkness.

So today I fix my eyes… over and over again, on the eyes of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am desperate and He is my Hero. I relax into His warm, moist eyes that speak compassion, gentle kindness and understanding. He knows my heart. Even when I am numb and wonder why I don’t feel, He knows what’s buried down deep that hurts too much for me to let rise. He knows me. He holds my heart in His tender hands and I fix my eyes on the nail holes and remember what it cost Him to now hold my heart. I am safe with Him because He values me that much.

I fix my eyes on the truth that nothing is impossible with God, and that He has already broken the power of sin over my son, and bought him with His blood when He died on the cross for him.

I fix my eyes on the truth that Jesus came to seek and to save the lost and He will not be denied.

I fix my eyes on the truth that Jesus’ loving-kindness is leading my child to repentance.

Today, no matter what is happening in the natural I will fill my eyes with the solid rock of God’s Word and I will pray it over my son, declaring the supremacy of the kingdom of Light over the kingdom of darkness. Whenever the “seen” blocks my view I will pray that Jesus will show me what is behind it in the unseen realm. And I will pray into that.

And I will let myself rest, like a child held tightly in her daddy’s gaze, safe… because The Unseen wins.

 

Childbirth Class for Parents of Prodigals

When I think of “fixing my eyes” on something I remember childbirth classes. It was there that those of us who could no longer see our toes and who had no clue as to what lay before us, gathered excitedly to learn how to have a baby. There we were taught that the key to enduring the excruciating pain of labor and delivery was to relax and breathe while we fixed our eyes on a focal point.

Our instructor taught us to find something in the room that would receive our concentrated attention throughout each contraction. I found the clock on the wall. The strategy was that as soon as the contraction began I would concentrate all my effort on relaxed breathing, and fix my eyes on that clock, my focal point. I knew that if I lost focused connection the pain would be too much for me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Being the strong woman that I am, I soon found out that “not being able to handle it” meant I would resort to screaming uncontrollably. (I had such a shy, reserved personality that I always wondered if I would know how to scream if I was attacked. Yes, I know how.)

Meanwhile, while I obsessively focused my eyes on the clock, I also focused my ears on my husband’s voice telling me over and over again about the beach. “You’re lying on the shore, listening to the lulling of the waves, feeling the sunshine and the warm wind caressing your skin. You’re hearing the seagulls singing overhead and the children building sandcastles nearby.” He soon was putting everyone else in the room to sleep while I clutched onto his words like a lifeline.

Likewise, I have had times of agonizing pain as my children have struggled in their push toward independence. Such incomparably deep love for my child, and yet “Just get this baby out!” Much like contractions, I have experienced wave after wave of fear, guilt, anger, shame, grief, and sorrow.

I haven’t found a class on how to get through these contractions, but I have found a focal point that works better than a clock. 2 Corinthians 4:18 says “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

My focal point is to be the unseen… what in the world does that mean? I believe it means I am to fix my eyes (use all my strength to aggressively think about, as if my life depended on it, because it does) on God—His nature, His promises, His Word, His Presence, His power, His angels all around me, His tender love for me and my children, and His redemption of our lives. If I let my eyes slip down and my ears stop listening to His voice, I can’t handle it. I then am left with resorting to plan B… “B” for becoming an emotional wreck.

As I read 2 Corinthians 4:18 today I was captured by the part that says “what is seen is temporary.” Temporary things are changeable. They are movable and flimsy. What I see right now in the natural can be changed through prayer. So I must learn to look right past it to what is unseen and eternal, and pray in what I see.   “Jesus, please keep speaking to me, like my husband telling me about the beach. Keep me focused on the Unseen.”

The Adventures of Faith and Hope, Siamese Twins

One day Faith and Hope (Siamese twins joined at the hip and each possessing only one leg) began a journey to the top of a mountain. The mountain was called “Loving a Child”. As they began the climb, they had seemingly endless energy, even though they got little sleep. They laughed and delighted in every step, rapidly falling in love with the mountain. Together they bent down to smell the flowers and stopped along the way to lay down in the grass. Gazing up into the clouds they dreamt of what it would be like to reach the top. These early days required strength and patience, but every night as they collapsed into sleep beneath the stars they continued to dream of each new treasure they would find as they progressed up the mountain.

But then it happened. One day Hope tripped and fell on a large, jagged rock that blocked her path. Her one leg was badly wounded. Of course, Faith toppled down with her and they both lost a lot of blood. Desperate, Faith turned to the LORD and cried out for help. “God, speak to me!” God sent forth His Word and she was strengthened. She stood upright and Hope rose with her. Together they continued on their journey, though now it was more painful. Walking with a limp, they realized (what they could not see before they fell) that this wild mountain was steep and rugged and they would need to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus as He led them. Otherwise, as they limped, their path would take them in circles.

As Hope and Faith continued their ascent, Hope’s knee occasionally buckled, pulling them both down again. But they had learned that they could rise quickly if Faith took the lead and cried out to Jesus to lift them back up. Every time this happened, He was faithful to speak the Word they needed to hear that would simultaneously give Faith strength to rise and Hope courage to follow.

One day as they stopped beside a river to drink and rest, they looked and saw how far they’d come. They even saw several dangerous cliffs that they had never even realized were there, slightly off to the side of their path. From where they rested, they could see other Siamese twins coming behind them, also limping. Hope and Faith called out to them, “Keep going! We’re almost there! Jesus is leading you safely! Just keep following Him!”

And then, with the top of the mountain still hidden behind the clouds, Faith and Hope lifted their eyes upward. They searched for the face of Jesus until they were locked in, and continued on…one limping step at a time, but much stronger now than they ever were at the start of their journey.

 

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13(NIV)

My Best Friend

The Comforter

Quietly I sit before Him

Quite alone.

Raw… open wounds.

 

The breeze is still,

 

The air silent.

I wait for Him to come.

 

Opening the Word

 

The leaves begin to flutter.

 

A gentle wind caresses my face.

 

There He is.

 

“And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter

(Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby),

 

that He may remain with you forever—”

 

John 14:16 (AMP)

 

There are some things in life that we will walk through alone. We may have close, faithful friends, but no one who’s been down this path before. The Holy Spirit has become my best friend, because He’s actually walking this path with me, every step. I don’t really even know His name yet. And I can’t find any more words to put in that poem, because our time together is in the secret place (Psalm 91:1) where words can’t describe— I guess that’s why it’s called the secret place. But when I enter that secret place nothing else matters anymore. I find peace, and comfort, and joy. No matter what else I must do in my day, I have to jealously guard time to open the Word and sit alone with the Comforter. Otherwise, I’m a wreck.

 

The Only Baby Carrier Approved for Adult Children

When my first child was a baby, we owned a front pack, a backpack, a sling and even an African baby carrier that doubled as a dress somehow. Our firstborn spent much of the day moving between packs as I awkwardly tried to follow (at least for this only child) the parenting philosophy that stressed the importance of carrying a baby as much as possible.  I wore a bandana to keep my hair from being mercilessly pulled out while I did the dishes with him in the backpack. I read book after book as he often napped in my arms.  And (I can’t believe I actually did this) I walked through our neighborhood on hot sunny days carrying an umbrella over him in the front pack. Looking back now, it’s rather embarrassing. But I was so in love with this baby, and each successive child also. It was a joy to carry them. By baby number four my life was such a blur I would sometimes totally forget I was carrying him. I distinctly remember one Sunday walking around the church nursery searching for my child to pick up, only to finally realize that he was already there on my hip. I really could have used a vacation.

Anyway, eventually my children grew up. I can’t carry them anymore, even emotionally. Gone are the days when I could kiss away their owies, read them a story and tuck them safely into bed in their Winnie-the-pooh sleepers. And yet, I still try to carry them. I find myself going down the list in my mind, from neediest to most secure. “Are they okay? Are they safe? Do they need me for anything? Have I prayed for them enough?” If I feel they’re all fairly stable I relax, but stability doesn’t seem to happen very often. And so… I have to make myself let go. All that carrying definitely bonded me to them—like superglue. Letting go is not that easy.

When my kids were little, carrying them was a joy—it was fulfilling and something I could do. Now, as my children are grown, they are way too heavy for me to carry in any way, and when I try to carry them it actually feels like a burden. It’s too much for me. I’m not strong enough. I just can’t do it. When I realize this, and sit down and give up trying, I can collapse into fear, or… I can ask God to help me trust Him to carry my burdens.

Psalm 68:19 (NIV) says “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.”  I think God wants us to be like children, who can skip carefree alongside their Daddy, as He carries the weight that is way too heavy for us. My mother-bear heart finds it really hard to release control of that burden to anyone else, even God. Why do I have such a hard time trusting Him? But I believe God’s Word is true. So, here goes—I’m closing my eyes and letting go.

Today I choose to trust God to carry my children. He is able and willing, and he actually really enjoys it, not only carrying my children, but watching me skip joyfully beside Him.

Father, please increase my faith to trust You more fully… because You are worthy.

 

Persisting in Prayer for Prodigals

“A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” Matthew 15:22, 23(NIV)

What do I do when Jesus does not answer? I keep praying. I don’t give up. I persist because I believe that Jesus is good, that He’s kind, and that He is moved by unfathomable compassion that churns within Him like a volcano and has to flow out in acts of mercy. Jesus cares. It is not His nature to turn such women, as in the above story, away. If He does not answer, it’s not that He’s ignoring me or not caring or not able. He is more than able. He can cast out any demon, heal any brain deficit, speak to the core of any lost soul and raise them from the dead. He is good. He is always totally good, spilling over with compassion and bursting with more power than I need. And so, if He does not answer, I keep asking because my persistence honors Him. It shows I believe He is who He says He is. I trust Him. I choose to reject anxiety and hopelessness, and I cling to Jesus’ generous love for me, love that cannot be contained—it has to give.

“The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said… Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.” Matthew 15:25, 28(NIV)

Today I choose to trust you LORD. I keep asking because You are my God and you love me and I believe You answer prayer.

Trusting God in My Mistakes

Years ago, with our cheerio-strewn minivan loaded with car seats, diapers, sippy cups, sleeping bags and five bouncing children, we attempted a vacation. A seven hour drive and numerous Odyssey episodes later, we arrived (with children still bouncing) at my father’s cabin, nestled deep in the wilderness of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. Wanting to expend some of this infinite energy, our days consisted of hikes along beautiful rivers and rocky hills overlooking waterfalls. The way was wild, unprepared for tourists, often taking us close to dangerously steep banks… breathtaking beauty. As our kids followed us, stopping now and then to examine an animal track or some new flower or bug, we delighted to watch them. They, rather than the countless wonders around us, were the focus of nearly all our pictures. Skipping along, our children had freedom to run and play, but as we approached a dangerous area we either held tightly to their hands or carried them. They might stumble from time to time, but with a firm grip we’d quickly help them regain their balance. We were not about to let them fall.

Psalm 37:23, 24 says “If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.”

What makes the LORD delight in a man’s way? I believe the answer is similar to that memory I just wrote about. We delighted in our children’s way, first because they were our children, and second because they were following us, not sitting down and pouting, and not running in the opposite direction. When we become God’s child and choose to follow Jesus, He delights in our way. We can trust that He will make our steps firm, no matter how wobbly they may feel to us. We may venture off the path a little, but His strong hand will pull us back.

The rocky path of launching children into adulthood is way out of my league. I am prone to stumble as I face difficult decisions and questions that I don’t know how to answer. At the end of the day I wonder if I got it right or wrong. These verses comfort me. My Father is holding my hand firmly in His strong grip. He won’t let me fall. If I wobble and make a mistake, He will stabilize my steps so that I still get to where He is taking me.  He is taking me to places where I will see more of His breathtaking beauty than I ever would if our path led down a predictably smooth city sidewalk. And it is so much easier to entrust my children, with their mistakes, to the LORD if I’m not worrying about my own mistakes.

The Perfect Family

When my children were babies (that time long ago when I could protect them), I read homeschooling magazines, the ones with the perfect families with their ten smiling children on the covers, all looking at the camera at once and no one making faces or scowling or poking their brother. Underneath those covers the pages spoke of the joy of nurturing children and watching them peacefully blossom into responsible, confident adults who would go on to do great things. That was my dream.

Somewhere along the way I stopped reading those magazines. They just made me angry. I couldn’t get everyone to smile at once, to sit still and follow the rules, let alone to be truly peaceful and whole.

However, there is one family whose story encourages me. I’d like to nominate them for the cover of one of those magazines. This story is found in Genesis 25-49 and it is the story of Jacob. Jacob, who was renamed Israel, was the father of the Israelites, God’s chosen people. God picked this family, out of all the families on earth, to be His treasured possession. They were the family He would pour His blessing out on to show the world who He is and how great His love is for all mankind.

So… what was this family like? Well, for starters, Jacob was estranged from his birth family for years because of his own sins. Then he had more than one wife and there was tension between them. Jacob went on to show favoritism to one son, which led to jealousy among his children. His daughter was sexually assaulted and then his sons took revenge and murdered a whole town. His sons sold his favorite son, Joseph, into slavery and then lied to Jacob for years about it while watching him grieve inconsolably. One of his sons went to a prostitute and fathered a child out of wedlock, and two of his grandsons were so evil that God struck them dead. Not exactly the perfect homeschooling family.

But before all this heartache that Jacob experienced, he had heard God’s words of promise to him. “All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go…” Genesis 28:14,15. Jacob must have taken those words into his heart with joy thinking his path would be glorious. But, as the days and years unfolded, he began to experience grief after grief. Finally, at the end of his life his whole family was starving due to a famine, and his heart had been broken for many years over the believed loss of his dear son Joseph.

I can imagine Jacob must have been wondering “Where in the world are you God?” Yet before Jacob died, God peeled back the curtain and showed him that Joseph was alive! All those years while all Jacob saw was trouble, God was working behind the scenes to raise his son Joseph up to be the ruler of Egypt and to bring hope and restoration to his family and the world.

So what this says to me is that my family is just the kind of family that God has chosen to pour out his love on. I guess you can say we’re the perfect family! He has a plan of redemption that He is working out even when I cannot see it. And that plan is to bless my family and also to bless others through us. May Jacob’s story encourage you also.

Disappointment-proof Hope

            Loving someone with an addiction has been a rollercoaster of hope, energetically rising up, only to be driven down again. The longing to see my child set free—it’s a pain I cannot even express. I find that I no longer let my heart climb all the way up those hills of hope, because the downhills are so painful.

            Yesterday I ran into a precious friend who reminded me of Isaiah 49:23-25. It begins with  “… those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” I believe this means that when we put our hope in Jesus we can let hope rise all the way up. There will be no plunging down again.

            I am not saying that this means there won’t be times of uncertainty and grief in the fight, but rather that ultimately, we win. I believe that in the end we will look back and say “Wow!! Didn’t God do amazing things for us, way more than we could ever have asked for!”

            These verses go on to say “Can plunder be taken from warriors, or captives rescued from the fierce? But this is what the LORD says: “Yes, captives will be taken from warriors, and plunder retrieved from the fierce; I will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save.”

            “Yes… your children I will save!” The enemy of our souls wants us to think he has our children in his mouth like a lion with its prey. But God says that even in that case, even if all seems lost, He will fight for us, take back what is ours and save our children.

            So no matter what the addiction, or diagnosis, or court order, or disease, or poor choice or damaged relationship--- we can stand securely on this high, unshakable mountain of hope in Jesus Christ, our Savior.

            “Jesus, I trust You. My hope is in You. Thank-you for fighting for me. Thank-you for saving me and my children.”

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me... such a basic truth, yet so hard to lay hold of. The joy that I feel when I begin to grasp this truth... it's like nothing else. Then whatever trouble is happening in my life fades into the background. Jesus takes my fear, and in its place He gives me confidence in His love.

Today I believe God would just want to tell you He loves you... deeply, with great affection. He guards you like a mama bear because He loves you, not just because you need Him.

I wrote this poem 8 years ago about trusting God with my teenagers. No one can steal my hope because... Jesus loves me.

Over My Head

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5,6

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

 

The waves roll in. I’m out over my head.

They’re laughing and crashing around my bed

Where I lay resting and trusting instead

In my God who speaks and raises the dead.

I can’t touch bottom out here anymore.

My children are teens and we’re far off shore.

Relentless storms, like a lion they roar.

The waves bare their teeth as they crash and pour

Salt on the wounds that I cannot heal.

Jesus, please help us; I know that You feel

The ache in my heart. Please come in Your zeal

To woo my children, pursue them and seal

Their hearts with Your love, as staunch as the grave.*

I’ll rest in Your mighty power to save.

No storm, no crash, no laughing wave

Can steal the hope that Jesus gave.

 

 “…because I know Whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12

 

*Song of Songs 8:6,7

Inexhaustible, Overflowing Hope

"May the GOD OF  HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines "overflow" as... to flow over the edge or top of; to fill or cover completely; to be so filled that there is not enough room for anything or anyone more.

In Christ Jesus we have GREAT hope! His name is the GOD OF HOPE! No matter how long it has been or how hopeless it may look, we are invited into this hope that never runs out, that is always fresh and more than we need. It is hope that is too much for us to contain. It is lavish and full and can never be taken away from us because as soon as one ounce leaves another bubbles up to replace it. It is inexhaustible. It is powerful because it is rooted in a powerful God Who is alive and moving and mighty to save, passionately pursuing our hearts and the hearts of our children.  And this amazing, awesome GOD OF HOPE beckons us in to trust Him... so He can fill us with joy and peace and overflowing hope.

When They're Gone

I haven’t seen my oldest son now for almost 18 months. He’s been incarcerated for nearly two years. My oldest daughter just got married this past spring; she eloped. The reality that she is gone now has been an unexpected grief, sneaking up on me and suddenly overtaking my heart. I knew she was planning to marry, but somehow the permanency of this change had not sunk in until now, after she’s gone and I can’t get her back. My youngest daughter still lives with us, though she is mostly gone now, pursuing work and school and the young man she loves. My 17 year old son sometimes comes in and out of our home physically, but relationally he’s far away. My youngest son, my baby, usually the only child at home, has grown up overnight it seems. He will soon turn 13, and is 5’8’’ tall and is becoming more of a man every day. Wasn’t it just yesterday that he needed me to hold his hand when he crossed the street? How I miss the days when my five beautiful children filled our home with laughter and noise and mess, and lots of hugs and kisses. What I wouldn’t give for one more day to snuggle up with them all again for a story on the couch.

Now, I am hounded by a loneliness that sends me checking my ipad numerous times a day in hopes someone has sent me a word of love. There’s a void. I struggle with lonely feelings of worthlessness—if I’m no longer needed here at home as a mother, what am I good for? I always felt a calling, a passion to be a mother. Now what? The high-stress work of managing the unpredictable, roller-coaster needs of a child in rebellion has given way to quiet days and my attention gravitates inward as I try to process the pain of loss. There remains the reality that any time another crisis could arise and consume my days, so I hesitate to move on to new endeavors. Meanwhile I wrestle with this void, this loneliness, and seek to rekindle old friendships that for years now have been sacrificed.

Longing for intimacy and comfort I cry out for Jesus to speak to me. The lie that comes is that I am alone, unable to draw the nourishment I crave from an invisible God. The truth is that I have been given a relationship with Jesus, through His death for my sins, that is just as nourishing as Jesus’ relationship was with the Father. Jesus said in John 10:14,15 “I know my sheep and my sheep know me—just as the Father knows me and I know the Father…” I think that is the turning point of a relationship for me, when I know I have a friend—it is the point where they trust me enough to open their heart and let me know them too. Jesus’ prayer in the garden shortly before His death (John 17:20-26) was for intimacy with me and with you. He asked His Father for deep connection, oneness, intimate communion with each of us. That was what He wanted, what He died for, what He bought on the cross.

In John 16:32 Jesus says “But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for My Father is with Me.” Jesus, in the loss of earthly relationship, found comfort in His relationship with the Father. When those He loved left Him, He drew strength from the truth that the Father would never leave Him. He would never be alone. And He tells us that He has given us that same unshakable intimacy with Himself.

Jesus knows how I’m feeling tonight. He understands loneliness. He knows what it’s like to be left by those He loved, and to have to turn for comfort to an invisible Presence, and draw strength from the inaudible words of scripture. He chose to stand on the truth—“I am not alone, for My Father is with Me.” That was His comfort and it’s just as available to us. So, with every ounce of my faltering trust, that’s where I choose to stand. In Jesus I have a faithful, intimate friendship where He knows me completely and loves me as I am, and where He allows me to know Him too. I can trust Him to hold me up and lead me back into joy.

“Jesus, help me find my comfort in the Presence of my Father, just as You did.”

The Rest of the Father's Story

The Gap

C-reak… c-reak…b-ack and forth…

Across the old wooden porch the rocker moved rhythmically

Like a heartbeat.

There He sat deep in thought.

His eyes scanned the horizon one more time.

It had been years now, but still every day He watched.

He remembered all too well that last good-bye—

A stiff hug, guarded eyes, blue jeans and a backpack.

Those steel-toed work boots sauntered down the road and he never looked back.

The Father watched him, painfully, fade into the distance.

 

 “… the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country

and there squandered his wealth in wild living.” Luke 15:13

 

And now… there’s a gap, maybe years between this day and the day the son will come home. This (Luke 15:11-32) is an earthly story Jesus told about an earthly father, but it’s really about a heavenly Father, the best Father ever. This Father is full of kindness and compassion, and also full of power to open blind eyes and deaf ears, to totally heal and deliver sick, demon-tormented children and to raise sons and daughters from the dead. Have you ever thought about what such a powerful Father would be doing in the gap? He does give us free will, but with more of a burning desire for reconciliation with our children than we have, and with all the power to bring it about, would He just be waiting? Sometimes when it seems my prayers have long gone unanswered I am tempted to think He’s just sitting there, like this father waiting in his rocker. But I believe there’s way more to the story that we just don’t see. Maybe it goes like this…

 

“The day you left I followed you

And each day since, I’ve watched you too.

I’ve stayed in hiding, for you see

You’ve made it clear you want to leave.

But every day I’ve sent you gifts

Sunshine, flowers, things to lift

Your eyes, in hopes you’ll realize

They come from Me.”

 

“That friend you met in the coffee shop

I sent her there with My words to plop

Into your heart to tell you that

I’m here.”

 

“That day your car ran out of gas--

That was Me. I knew that then you’d ask

Me to help and then I would,

And maybe you’d believe you could

Come home.”

 

“Remember that day you got real high

You collapsed in the dirt, left to die.

I sent that man who carried you

All the way to his car and then drove you too

To where you could get the help you needed.

And through the doctor’s words I pleaded

With you to stop the things that destroy your life

And come to Me.”

 

“You know that verse that runs through your mind

The one you learned way back in time.

You wonder why you can’t forget

It’s ‘cause I keep on whispering it,

Knowing it’s alive with power

To set you free.”

 

“And though you’re far away from home

You are never all alone.

I hear your mother’s every cry

And she, My bride, I’ll not deny.

I share her love for you, My Child.

I’m not a mouse, I’m roaring wild

And strong and able, and mighty to save.

I’m after your heart.

So go ahead and try to run away…

I’m not afraid—I know how to save

You.”

 

“I’ll not give up. I’m on your case.

Wherever you run, I’m gonna chase

You down, because I love you

And My love always hears your cries.”

 

 

“So he got up and went to his father.

     “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

     “The son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.

     “But the father said to his servants, “Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15:20-24(NIV)

 

 Jesus wrote into this story a very happy ending, because He is “the author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2 KJV). And He doesn’t wait for the lost to find themselves. He goes and finds them.