Whispers through the Lattice

I know it’s been quite a while now since I’ve written you. In this post I will give an explanation for my silence.

I have felt an increasing sense of urgency to “… go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:60) Time is short. And our God is grand beyond measure.

To that end I have poured out my heart into a book declaring, as best I can, the liberating words of life given to us in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

As those of you who have read my blog know, our family has experienced the relentless waves of grief that come while watching a loved one suffer with addiction and incarceration. Sometimes people say something to me like “I don’t know how you get through this.” This book is my answer.

The book is called Whispers through the Lattice and it is about the extravagant grace of God and my journey of discovering it.

The only way I survive the pain of life is by daily straining to hear the whispers of the Lover of my soul, Whose voice gives me peace and comfort and joy.

Why does He whisper? I believe it’s because He wants us to draw near to Him, to get close enough so His breath is felt on our cheeks.

He whispers through the lattice, the thin veil that separates us in this life from seeing Him in His full glory.

This book is an invitation. Come, press your face up against that lattice and hear His life-giving whispers that come with the breath of His power to strengthen and comfort your heart.

Through poems, stories and scripture I share some of my own journey. I hope that it will stir up spiritual hunger in your own heart to pursue a deeper relationship with the God Who is wildly pursuing you with His overwhelming, indescribably beautiful grace.

Whispers through the Lattice is available on Amazon.com at https://www.amazon.com/author/susanpopa

I also have a Facebook page at Whispers through the Lattice @susanpopaauthor.

Please consider partnering with me in this effort by “liking” and sharing my posts, and by reviewing my book on Amazon.com. Your reviews are so appreciated and really do make a difference in helping get this book out there to as many people as possible.

Thank-you! You are loved!

The Way to Remember

“… they have forgotten the LORD their God.” Jeremiah 3:21

Somehow, I forgot. The forgetting slipped in gradually, stealth, until suddenly I lost my grip. I don’t know how some people do it, maintain sanity without faith in God. I can’t. When I am not trusting God I can hardly function.

It was not that I completely lost my faith in God, but I simply stopped believing He would answer my prayers. I forgot the taste of His goodness.

This post is for anyone who feels faithless while watching their child suffer, or for that matter, faithless for any reason.

Many years ago now I came to a point in my life where I realized I didn’t have a clue how to find comfort in God. I had been a Christian for at least 25 years at that point, and yet my drug of choice to fill the longing void in my heart was food. I asked God to show me how to find my comfort in Him and, through some hard choices, He did answer that prayer.

But this has been a hard winter. And Sunday night as I lay in bed on the evening of my incarcerated son’s birthday, my mind replayed our visit from the day before. I had tried to ignore the looming razor-wire fences which surround the facility in which he is housed, but I couldn’t drown out the stark glimpses of prison life and the depth of loneliness he experiences. I felt overcome with sorrow, a hard ball of pain stuck deep inside me. I didn’t know how to talk about it, let alone deal with it. It had been seeping out all week, in anticipation of our visit, as I anxiously tried to control my life.

Where could I find comfort? I was faithless, my mind racing to find some way, some plan, to ease this heartache, because lately I had been unable to find relief in God. Suddenly a quiet thought slipped through the chaos, sparking my memory—Jesus called the Holy Spirit “The Comforter”. How could I have forgotten what I learned years ago?

A wisp of light flickered in my heart and I asked God once again to show me how to find my comfort in Him.

I decided to do as I had done those many years before and ask God to lead me to the place in His Word where He would speak comfort to my heart. I laid aside my structured “Read through the Bible in a Year” plan. Tentatively, I opened the Bible at random to Jeremiah 3, and God in His faithfulness began to draw me.

“Return, O faithless children, declares the LORD; for I am your master… I thought you would call me, My Father, and would not turn from following me… Return, O faithless sons; I will heal your faithlessness.” Jeremiah 3:14,19,22

To one struggling with doubt, these words were like honey. When I am faithless, God yearns for me. And He wants me to call Him “My Father,” not just Father. He wants me to know He is personally accessible to me. I have a Father who I can cling to and trust that He will not reject me because of my doubts. God is my place of security and safety and love. I can stop trying to find comfort somewhere else—frantically trying to figure out what I need.

God is not waiting for me to work up faith. He just beckons me to come to Him, and says He will take care of my faithlessness. He will heal it. All I have to do is return, run into His strong arms and let Him heal me. Faithlessness is like a sickness in need of My Father’s healing touch. And He doesn’t heal this sickness from a distance. No, He wants the doubting one in His arms.

And so yesterday I ran to Him and clung to His chest and cried out my questions. “Why are You seeming so distant and like You are ignoring me? It’s been so long, LORD. It’s hard to believe You care when my son remains hurting. Why haven’t You healed him? And… is it my fault?

I cried, “God, these are the questions that swirl around inside me and I don’t know what to do with them. So here’s my heart, My Father. Please heal my faithlessness. Please comfort me.”

As I continued to pour out my heart to The Comforter, I felt that painful knot inside me begin to unravel. He truly is The Comforter, and His embrace has begun to heal my faithlessness.

If you have forgotten… if you need to return…

The Comforter is accessible.

The Father wants you.

So just come to Him.

New Year's Hope

Once there was a man named Jairus. This is his story and this is my story, and maybe this is yours also.

Jairus had a little girl. She had beautiful brown eyes and dark hair and dimples. Every day when he came home from work she would come running down the path and jump into his arms. She would throw her soft arms around his neck and press a sloppy wet kiss onto his cheek and shout “I missed you Daddy!”

Well, one day she didn’t come. One day stretched to many days that he walked up that path alone only to find her lying in her bed in a dark corner of her room barely breathing. He had to do something but he felt completely helpless. “I’ve got to find Jesus,” he thought. “Maybe Jesus will heal her.” He knew Jesus could heal… but would He?

Jairus could barely move, squished like a pancake in the crowd. All those people with all their needs. Even though he was a leader in the church, he felt small and insignificant. Would Jesus come with him? He wasn’t even sure if he believed. But where else could he turn?

Finally, with Jesus before him “he fell at his feet and implored him earnestly saying “My little daughter is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on her so that she may be made well and live.”(Mark 5:22,23)

Jesus agreed to come and Jairus leaped to his feet. Hope exploded within him and now he knew he believed. But then--- nothing. Jesus stood still. “Doesn’t he know my daughter is dying?! Why is He not moving?” Jairus watched, his hope deflating, while Jesus stopped to give all His attention to someone else. Jairus watched her be spoken to and healed and loved by Jesus while he himself was crawling out of his skin, feeling every painful second ticking by. And while he waited the voices came—“Give up your hope. Don’t believe anymore. Jesus is too busy to care about you. She is dead.”

But Jesus heard those voices too and He spoke louder. “Do not fear, only believe.”(Mark 5:36)

And then… He came! And this is where it gets exciting so I will let Jairus tell you the story from here.

Yes, He came! My house was full of mourners. Everywhere I looked people were crying and grieving and speaking out that she had died and that there was no hope. My heart was sinking, but Jesus reached out His hand and lifted me up and said with such authority that I believed Him… “The child is not dead but sleeping.”(Mark 5:39) I trusted Him. In the face of impossibility I trusted Him, because I knew that He was no ordinary man—He held the power to heal and… it was His eyes. They overflowed with a compassion I’d never seen anywhere.

Other people laughed and refused to believe. All they saw was death. But Jesus knew the truth and He saw life in my daughter. Jesus pulled me away from them and took me in where I would see the miracle. And then Jesus took her by the hand, my baby girl, and said to her “Little girl, I say to you, arise.”(Mark 5:41) And she arose! Just like that the dying was over. She was completely healed and walking, then running and jumping again into my arms! I laughed and wept and spun her around. And then… words cannot express my joy. I fell at His feet. 

“Jesus I love You. How can You be so good? Thank-you!"

I am Jairus and this is what happened to me, but it was written down for you.

As we begin the new year, I pray that this story, which was written down in scripture for us, will encourage you as it has me. When voices of fear or grief attempt to deflate our hope, I pray that we will hear Jesus’ voice louder. “Do not fear, only believe… The child is not dead but sleeping.”(Mark 5:36,39)

This year we can rejoice because we have this great Hope, the person of Jesus Christ, our Savior and our children’s Savior. So Happy New Year to you all!

"I'm Home!"

Nesting… I’ve found myself doing it again, but this time I’m not having a baby. This time I’m watching my babies jump out of the nest.

And so, I’ve been regrouping, trying to fill the void by creating an atmosphere of order and peace… redecorating with vibrant colors that invite laughter. When my family steps through our front door I want them to feel joy, hope, love and peacefulness. How do I create that?

That question has consumed me these last couple months as I’ve shopped resale stores, bought lots of house plants, and watched YouTube videos on topics such as reupholstering furniture and spray painting metal. I’ve actually laid awake at night mulling over and over deep questions such as “Which afghan should I lay out on that couch?” Silly… I know.

But I had three adult children, one son-in-law and one grandchild in the womb all jump out of this nest within five months. Suddenly this noisy, messy, overcrowded nest feels a wee bit deserted.

I have strained to reclaim an atmosphere of family here through all my redecorating efforts. However, that warm, cozy something that I crave but can’t quite create, is waiting for me every day just beyond the door---- in the secret place of the God who loves me.

“The eternal God is your dwelling place…”Deut. 33:27 (ESV)

When I open my heart's door to the secret place of prayer, Jesus greets me with arms wide open, an enormous grin and sparkling eyes that are bursting with the affection I yearn for. I take a deep breath and realize… I’m home!

Why do I sometimes search for home everywhere but here?

When I become obsessed with building my earthly house, I will remind myself that this is not my home. My home is the secret place, the shelter of the Most High.

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.” Psalm 91:1,2 (NLT)

Ribbit!

The other day I snuck into My Hiding Place (see last week’s post, Safer than a Glass Box) and I asked the LORD how He sees me. As I closed my eyes in prayer I saw a picture of (don’t laugh) a frog. I thought “Oh, great… of all things. Couldn’t He see me as a princess or a beautiful child or a valiant warrior or something lovely or powerful? But then I heard Him whisper to my heart-- “You sing in the night, like My frogs.”

I like that. This is what I am doing here in this blog. I may not make the most beautiful sound, but I am singing out as a sign of life in the pitch blackness. If anyone out there is feeling hopeless or discouraged, I hope that it encourages you to know that you are not alone in your heartache. There is someone else here in the mud with you and I’m croaking out my song with all my heart. It goes like this… 

“Jesus is faithful. He loves you and He is enough to carry 

your heart every day through whatever you are facing.”

My father has a cabin way out in the sticks of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, and on many a trip up there we would make a nighttime visit to the frog pond. Upon arrival we would be told “Shhhh… turn off all the lights and don’t make a sound.” And then we would hear them… not just one frog, but a whole chorus. For such tiny creatures, together they were croaking out a symphony that was overpowering. In the middle of that wild and scary darkness there was singing coming from every direction.

So I guess what I am trying to say is… go ahead and sing out the encouragement God gives you. Don’t be afraid to share your story. Let’s make a beautiful ruckus in the middle of the night, and let the world know that there is life here. Because apart from Jesus, people don’t know that it’s possible to sing in the dark.

When we share God’s Word with each other, we build each other’s faith. Romans 10:17 says “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

It says in Hebrews 11:30 “By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days.” Do you ever feel like any of your adult children have thick, impenetrable walls separating them from God and from you? Take heart! There was no sign of movement at all in the walls of Jericho until suddenly God brought them down. And He did it, not by human strength (or by a parent having the right skills or answers or advice). He did it “By faith”.  I want to be the best parent I can be, but the miracles I am waiting for will come only one way… by God’s grace through faith. And faith is not something I can muster up. It’s a gift God gives through the hearing of His Word. And through croaking it out! The more we hear and speak out the truths of God’s words, the more our faith grows.

  

Is there a song you could sing out today? Maybe you would like to share a line or two of your song here in the comments of this blog.   

Safer than a Glass Box

When I was a teenager, and into my twenties, I struggled with bulimia. A few people eventually knew, but for the most part I lived a desperately lonely, secret life. My days revolved around trying to control my eating and my weight. I felt like I walked around in a glass box, able to see the people around me, but unable to feel their touch. They offered me love, which I outwardly accepted, but in my heart I rejected it thinking, “If you only knew the ugly thoughts I have, you wouldn’t love me.” My soul was starving because I wouldn’t take in love from people who didn’t really know me, which was everyone. And shame kept me hiding.

Fast forward 30 years.

My son was sentenced on Friday, and Sunday at church someone came up to me and said “I saw the article in the paper…”  My heart sank and my first inclination was to hide, because I hadn’t seen the article yet. My thoughts raced… “What did they say about my son this time?” And then… “What do people think of me?”

One beautiful gift God has given me through all this pain is the gift of a Hiding Place. I am learning that I don’t have to hide inside myself. I can run into the safety of my Savior who knows me completely--- every sin and failure, everything I’ve done wrong, every parenting mistake that affected my children--- and He stands tall behind me, smiling, and wraps His big strong arms around me. And He speaks out loud into my ear, in front of everyone, that I am forgiven and that He delights in me. Outrageous grace!

 “ALL BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE, MY DARLING;

THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU.”

Song of Songs 4:7

If, like me, you have struggled with shame, I want you to know that this Hiding Place is handicap accessible. It is made for weak and broken people, with a Door that flings wide open when we choose to trust Jesus. Jesus says in John 10:9 “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved…” The button is a simple desperate prayer--- “Jesus, I need You. Please help me.”

And once we enter by the Door, Jesus gives us full access to Himself.

This is an amazing gift and I wish I could unwrap it all at once. But for me, it’s been a progressive journey of coming to trust that I am secure, always and forever, held safe in Jesus’ arms. Some days trusting God is easier than on other days. Some days I still flounder. But when I look back through the years I know that through every trial Jesus is wooing my heart, drawing me to Himself, showing me more and more of His faithfulness. That is His goodness. As painful as it can be, I am thankful for every opportunity to run deeper into the heart of God--- My Hiding Place. As I cling to His Word, He speaks to me… “I love you.”

One day at a time, My Hiding Place is becoming more and more my home.

                            “You are a hiding place for me;

 you preserve me from trouble;

 you surround me with shouts of deliverance.”

Psalm 32:7

Name Change

After much deliberation, I have decided to change the title of my blog to… (drumroll) A Stronger Safety. This was the title of my first post and the title I had first chosen for this blog. I hope this does not cause any confusion, but I would like to expand the focus of my blog to include a slightly wider range of material--- with less focus on the “prodigal” and more attention given to the journey of learning to trust Jesus, whatever issues arise. To be honest, I am uncomfortable labeling any beloved child of God as a prodigal because I believe God is restoring them, and that’s where I want to fix my eyes.

We have all been prodigals at some time in our lives, in some fashion. And many times we, as parents of “prodigals” need to run into the waiting arms of Jesus just as much as our children do.  I can run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to control my life and my children’s lives so that we are safe.  To quote from my first post on this blog---

“Safety… it seems to be a basic need. When I don’t feel safe, I don’t have peace. To be honest with you, writing a blog does not feel at all safe to me. There is nowhere to hide. I am exposed to the entire world. But just beyond my fear there is a safety that is stronger than the safety of being unknown. It is stronger than the safety of order and control and not making mistakes. And it is stronger than the safety of having well-adjusted children who follow the rules, make wise choices, love God and love me. This Stronger Safety is a person—Jesus Christ, and this blog will be about Him.”

Because I still have sons in the court system and battling addictions, I hope that my posts will continue to be relevant to those of you seeking peace while loving prodigals. We will see where God takes me. Maybe the name will be the only noticeable difference. I hope you will still tune in and that the change will remind you more of the safety we have in Jesus, than the issues that bombard us.

You can watch for my first post in A Stronger Safety  within the next week or so.

Please let me know your thoughts!

The Crossroads

What do you do when you don’t understand God’s ways?

One day Jesus gave a hard teaching that His followers did not understand. Thus, they came to a crossroad. They had to make a choice whether they would still believe though they did not understand, or whether... they would walk away.

This day is recorded for us in the Bible. Following Jesus’ teaching, John 6:66,67 says “After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?”

I’ve been at such a crossroad; have you? Just this past weekend I learned that the dear son of Christian parents passed away following a long, difficult battle with addiction and depression. I had to get alone and go out for a walk and cry out to God. “Why? I don’t understand, Jesus, why You didn’t heal him in this life.” I felt the walls around my heart go up, as if to protect myself from the God Who alone holds the power to heal my children.

Sometimes I am shaken and I flail around awhile wondering where the Rock is to stand upon… when I don’t see the whole picture and God appears to be unfaithful. But, like Peter, in this Bible story, I always come back to “Lord, to whom shall we go?” John 6:68,69 says “Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

Sometimes, much of the time, I don’t have answers. But what I do know is that Jesus is alive… and He is the Lover of my soul. He died for me and He died for my children… suffering beyond my comprehension to purchase our salvation, healing and deliverance. I have felt His loving Presence and witnessed His power. I have heard testimony after testimony of the things He has done to show us that He is good. I have seen Him heal and I have heard Him whisper that He loves me. I can trust Him when I don’t understand. No one can tell me anything different because--- I believe that Jesus is faithful. That’s the bottom line. I believe Joshua 21:45 which says “Not one word of all the good promises that the LORD had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass.”

When I am shaken, I don’t see any other viable option than to wrap my little arms tighter around His big, strong chest and bury my ear deeper in to find His heartbeat. He holds me fast. And I continue to believe that He answers the prayers of His children.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)

LORD Jesus, please comfort those whose hearts ache.

 Draw us closer into Your embrace

where You hold us fast and give us unwavering trust.  

Demand Their Release

In the spiritual realms we are dealing with a hostage situation here.

Children have been groomed, lured away, lied to, falsely promised things that only Jesus can give them... and, following their own sinful choices, have been suddenly taken at gunpoint into captivity. Many of these children are now adults and have been in bondage for years.

As a parent of such a child I have found hope in the early chapters of Exodus where God delivers the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. Like Israel’s children, my child is also held captive. He has suffered many years of slavery to drug and alcohol abuse. These slave drivers have been cruel, mercilessly beating his mind and body, leaving him penniless, uneducated, sick, scarred, and incarcerated. They have forced him to live in isolation, far from true connection with family and God.

 Maybe you have a child in slavery also? God cares.

Exodus 6:5-11 says “… I have heard the groaning of the people of Israel whom the Egyptians hold as slaves, and I have remembered my covenant. Say therefore to the people of Israel, ‘I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the LORD your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession. I am the LORD.’ ” Moses spoke thus to the people of Israel, but they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery. So the LORD said to Moses, “Go in, tell Pharaoh king of Egypt to let the people of Israel go out of his land.”

These people were hurting so badly that they had no hope in God. They could not believe God cared about them. But God pursued them anyway. Isn’t that beautiful, amazing grace!? He still sent them a Deliverer. He still set them free. He cared. He understood their pain and He did it all… full salvation for a sinful people who could not even reach for Him.

When the people didn’t believe… when they refused to listen to God’s words of love and hope, God basically told Moses “Go deliver them anyway. You speak to Pharaoh on their behalf and demand their release.”

So as a parent of a child in harsh slavery, that is what I will do. I will not be discouraged by his unbelief. I will not be silent in the heavenly realms. I am not his Deliverer, but because Jesus is, I will speak to the enemy of my child’s soul and demand his release in the name of Jesus. And there is all the power and authority in heaven and on earth behind that Name.

 

 

I know I haven't written for awhile, and I'm a bit rusty, but I want to pass on some things the LORD has encouraged me with, in hopes you will also be encouraged. Over the last year and a half, since I last wrote, God has been completely faithful to me. Though I still await His answers for many of my prayers for my children, He has given me peace and joy and great hope. I hope this post will encourage you. You are greatly loved by God... and you are not alone in whatever you are facing. He is with you.  

He Listened to Me

 

     Who do you call when you’re angry? I only call my closest friends. When I am angry I am vulnerable. Something has burned into my very core and caused deep pain that I cannot express nicely.

     There was a time that God was fuming angry with the children of Israel, angry enough to destroy them. But Moses interceded for them and later he wrote about it, saying “the LORD listened to me…” (Deut. 9:19). This fascinates me to think that God would listen to a man, in the midst of His own intense anger. In my experience, most men will not listen to anyone when they are angry. But God listened to a man and did what the man asked. God made Himself vulnerable to a man… He was that open and intimate.

     This story is for us as we intercede for our children. The picture here is not one of a reserved king hearing and granting the request of a peasant. Rather it is the unveiling of the God who values the friendship and partnership of an individual man. Can it be?! I believe this is the relationship that God wants with each of us.

     Don’t get me wrong. Moses did not in any way consider this friendship with God to mean equality. No, Moses was on his face as he spoke with God, recognizing the awesome power and authority and absolute holiness of the God he was speaking to. Moses knew that if not for God’s mercy he would be consumed. But he also knew that God loved him with a fierceness greater than His anger. He knew that he was the apple of God’s eye, His treasured possession, that God wanted to be with him, and that He valued what he had to say.

     The Bible says that God spoke to Moses “face to face as a man speaks to his friend.”(Ex.33:11). What was that like?! Whatever it was I believe it’s available to us, and not only available, but something that God desired enough to die for. Jesus says in John 15:15 “No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends…”

 

LORD Jesus, I want to know You face to face.

You are the most humble, approachable and trustworthy Friend I have.

I am honored that You would actually value what I say.

Thank-you that you allow my prayers to affect you.

Thank-you for listening to me and wanting me to be Your friend.

 

 

    

Just a Glitch

“Visitors for Popa.” The officer propped open the heavy steel door, allowing us to enter. We held our jackets open as he wanded us down, front then back, one by one. Satisfied that we were weapon-free, he unlocked the next steel door leading into the room where we would visit our son. To my left, a wall-length black window hid the officer who would supervise our visit. Ignoring him, my eyes scanned the several small cubicles on the right. There he was, silently waiting behind the thick glass. We bent down under the counter and watched for the flashing light that would signal us to pick up the phone and begin our awkward, recorded 30 minute visit. This is our Sunday routine.

As I gazed into my son’s eyes through the glass today I realized how deeply I miss him. Regular sleep and three meals a day… he looked healthier than approximately 75 days ago when his drug-addict lifestyle had brought him in. Laughing shyly and retelling a funny experience, the glint in his eyes drew my heart in to him. For a brief moment, the innocent freedom of joy connected our hearts and we were one again. This child, who was energized by risk-taking and lived outside the box, who took more of my time and energy than all my other children combined, could also make me laugh more than anyone in the world. As we laughed today I realized the huge void I feel with him gone.

What do I do with my life now? My children were my job and they’re leaving. Maintaining emotional equilibrium has never been my forte, but I don’t recall ever feeling so consistently weak. Anxiety closes in and I feel lost inside, frantically trying to find the door in the dark.

My youngest son says my brain is glitchy. We laugh, but in reality this isn’t funny to me. There is a brokenness in me somewhere that I can’t fix.

 A glitch is when I think about myself way too much, making it hard to concentrate on the world outside. Underlying all this self-focus is a pesky lie that God will not take care of me. I have been a Christian for nearly 50 years. That’s a long time to walk with the LORD and still glitch. You would think by now I would trust Him unwaveringly.

It says in Hebrews 10:23(NIV) “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” God is faithful… trustworthy… he will do what He has promised.

What has God promised me?   Peace, joy, hope, fruitfulness, steadfast love, forgiveness, righteousness, beauty, protection, guidance, wisdom. He promises me that He will speak to me, bless me and my children, teach me, answer my prayers, lead me in good paths, make me a fisher of men, hold me secure, never leave me. He will rejoice over me with singing, empower me to do whatever He calls me to and surround me with His favor as with a shield.  I will not throw away my confidence.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.” Hebrews 10:35(NIV)

Jesus loves me, even though I waver. He actually chooses weak people to be His dearly loved children. He says to me “Weakness? No problem… it’s just a glitch!”

I would never have survived this many glitches without Jesus. He is my only stability, and if it were not for Him I would always glitch, not just once in a while.

In times of emotional chaos my strong Savior understands me. He holds me and says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9(NIV)

He also says “…let the weak say, I am strong.” Joel 3:10(KJV). Jesus sees my weakness more completely than I do, and yet He invites me to say “I am Strong!” What makes a person strong? Is it how they feel? Isn’t it rather who they are in their core? I have the Spirit of the resurrected Christ in me, in my core. The truth is… He has all of my needs covered and He is bursting for me to get out there and release His strong love onto a lost and hurting world.

 

LORD, thank-you for Your Strength that lives in me. I am Strong! Your joy lifts up my head. Your faithfulness leads me out of frantically trying to protect myself.  Thank-you for loving me, for tenderly taking care of me, and for covering my weakness with grace.  Please teach me to trust You without wavering.

 

Send Someone!

Jesus always makes the first move to draw people into His arms, into knowing Him and how deeply He loves them. He doesn’t just sit back and wait for us to figure it out.

When I have felt lost, I’ve felt LOST. I’ve had no clue how to find my way. I’ve wandered in circles. But God, who is full of compassion for lost souls, intervenes and pursues His children.

I probably sound like a broken record, writing that truth week after week. But it’s because over and over I need to remind the enemy of my soul that I am not listening to any of his lies. I am drowning them out. I am standing on the truth of God’s Word, that God is pursuing my children, God is pursuing my children, GOD IS PURSUING MY CHILDREN… with a fierce, unrelenting passion.

In Acts 26 the Apostle Paul tells King Agrippa his true story of how Jesus supernaturally appeared to him, when he was way off track, and called him to be His witness… such amazing grace and redemption. Paul was to go out and tell people what he had personally experienced of Jesus. Acts 26:17,18(NIV) says…

 “I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”

I believe these are verses we can pray. God looks for people willing to be sent. “LORD, send me!” And He also hears a parent’s cry, “LORD, send someone to open my child's eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God…”

 

"Remember Your Servants..."

As a beloved child of The Most High God, I am God’s servant, seated in a position of great honor in the LORD’s sight. Of course, it’s all by pure grace, unearned in any way. It is such a lavish gift, this position I now hold in His affection, His cherished daughter, guarded as the apple of His eye. And God is gracious to my children simply because of His overflowing affection for me. Isn’t that worthy of shouting and dancing hysterically with joy?!!

More often than I’d like to admit I have been guilty of being joyless. I think I must have a naturally low threshold of serotonin balance or whatever chemicals in me so quickly get out of whack. But I cannot hold the tiniest hint of a grudge without getting depressed. I have to fight to keep my mind focused on truths such as were presented in the opening paragraph. We are in a war, and I cannot retreat from the fight. So I am returning to this blog after a month of retreating and floundering, because having to write requires that I hold onto truth firmly or I cannot proclaim it. Actually, I think proclaiming it cements my grip.

So today I proclaim to you Deuteronomy 9:26, 27.

Moses prayed to the LORD, “O Sovereign LORD, do not destroy your people, your own inheritance that you redeemed by your great power and brought out of Egypt with a mighty hand. Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Overlook the stubbornness of this people, their wickedness and their sin.”

I am struck by the phrase “Remember your servants…” Moses’ appeal to God on behalf of the rebellious Israelites was based on God’s love for Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Moses knew that God’s heart is tender toward His servants, and thus for their sake He would have mercy on their children.

When in some way my children should turn away from God, I can appeal to Him to move on their behalf… because of this amazing, unearned place of grace and favor that I hold in His heart as His servant.

Today I will shout and dance hysterically for joy (after I close the curtains) because I think that is the only worthy response.

 “Dear LORD, remember me when You look upon my children.

 Thank-you for Your unrelenting faithfulness.”

The End of the Christmas Story

The simple Gospel… that’s what Christmas is all about—Jesus coming for people who don’t have it all together. It’s not about everyone in my family being sober and happy and here, and it’s not about us all getting along and feeling that wonderful Christmassy feeling. In all our mess and brokenness… we have a Savior!

I have lived in a measure of brokenness a long time, waiting for certain desperate prayers to be answered, and at a glance it looks like God has not intervened. I can imagine that the Israelites might feel the same way--- suffering persecution, heartache, oppression, attacks. But in Isaiah 46:3,4  God says…  

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob,

 all you who remain of the house of Israel,

 you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,

 and have carried since your birth.

 Even to your old age and gray hairs

 I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

 I have made you and I will carry you;

 I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

 

God has tenderly upheld and carried Israel’s family and He will continue to carry them, sustain them and rescue them all their days, whether or not they are aware of or understand His actions on their behalf. Their history is all part of the Christmas story and we can now read it and see God’s faithfulness. They have survived and their end will be GLORIOUS.

 Galatians 3:29 says “If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” As a believer in Jesus Christ, the LORD has grafted me into this family and I receive the same care. The LORD is upholding, carrying, sustaining and rescuing me and my family. When God made these promises to the Israelites, they were not just to individuals, but to the whole family. And He says to me in Isaiah 49:23 “…those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

 So today I am fixing my eyes not on the mess, but on the Savior. And this gives me joy!

 

“Thank-you Jesus, that You are upholding, carrying, sustaining and rescuing us. Someday I will see the end of this Christmas story and it will shine forth with Your breathtaking faithfulness. Thank-you, my Beautiful Savior.”

The Perfect Gift for Parents of Prodigals

The shrill sound of a whistle pierced the air again. “Traveling”.  His fists clenched and my heart sank as I watched his pain seep out through the cracks of the lid. He tried hard to keep it all down under, but the boiling threatened to explode at any moment. He was “not good enough”… working harder than anyone out there and losing the joy of the game.

How can I tell him he’s already good enough? “Play like it doesn’t matter how you do. Play like it’s just fun.”

What a picture of my own struggle. I need to hear those words over my life too. “Play like it doesn’t matter how you do. Play like it’s just fun.” So much of the pressure falls off when I let Jesus whisper that into my ear. He tells me I’m already loved, already pleasing to Him because Jesus died for my sins and made me perfectly right with Him.

I find it challenging at Christmastime to find a gift for someone who doesn’t need anything. It is easy to give to those with lots of visible needs, but a gift brings less joy when it’s perceived to be unneeded. One of the benefits of having a prodigal child is that I am regularly forced to see the “in my face” truth of my neediness. It’s not only “in my face” but it’s also out there for others to see.

 When my children were little I found comfort in a sign on a friend’s refrigerator that said “If parents were perfect, their children wouldn’t need God.” I think I could add another sign… “If parents were perfect they wouldn’t need God.

I need God. And one of the worst places I can be is away from that truth. There is a sweet spot that can be found somewhere in the middle of recognizing my total inadequacy to meet my child’s deep needs. It can also be found when I feel like I have nothing to write, no answers, no strength to hold my own head up, let alone anyone else’s. It is that wonderful place where my thirsty heart soaks up the words of Luke 2:10,11…

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you  good news of great joy that will be for  all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.”

 

“Father God, You have given me the perfect gift—Jesus.

Thank-you with all my heart.

 Jesus, I am a sinner and lost without You.

 You are my Savior and I throw myself into Your arms

 and cling to Your neck with my whole being.

 Thank-you for loving me just as I am.”