Mother's Day

The following is a true story, though a few minor details have been changed. It is dedicated to mothers of prodigals. There is an ache in this story, especially on Mother's Day. But  I refuse to dwell in the ache. Instead I choose today to trust in God who loves me, who cares about my heart, who understands my pain and who is pursuing my children with great compassion and power to set them free.

 
Redemption

This is a story of redemption

Because there is a Savior who hears the cries of a mother
Because He has children of His own
And He understands.

 I’ll never forget that first night.

They laid you up on my bare chest, and I felt you breathe
All night long.
You were alive and you were perfect
Tiny, vulnerable, beautiful.
I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone.
Joy overruled my exhausted body
Keeping me awake all night just feeling you
Skin to skin.
Soft, warm head nestled under my chin,
Tiny fingers wrapped ‘round mine.
I heard every noise you made, and when you were quiet
I’d check to be sure you were still breathing.
I would never allow anyone to hurt you
No matter what.
I would die for you.

 Too soon

You were standing beside me as I looked in the mirror one day.
You climbed up on a stool until your face joined my reflection.
Brown hair tousled from wrestling with your brother
A smudge of breakfast on your chin.
You had my eyes.
Dancing as they looked up into mine…
“Mommy, you look as pretty as a rainbow!”

I don’t really know the moment

It all began to unravel---
My dream of your safety.
But somehow you slipped out of my grasp.
You were no longer safe in my arms.
You had stepped out into the cold
Away from innocence.

Maybe it was the day I came down to your room

And smelled the sickening stench of cigarette smoke…
Or found the little bag of pills in your pocket.
I know it all began way before
That first middle-of-the-night discovery
That you were not in your bed.
It must have begun somewhere in the middle
Of the fights I could not mediate
The answers I did not have
The emotions I was powerless to heal.

Eventually there were 911 calls and ER visits,

Walking through those sterile doors to find you rescued,
Nearly dead, but not yet.
Any day I could get the call
That they found you too late.
Another news broadcast, new crimes.
“Was it my son?”
Every day seeking help
Praying hard
Try another counselor, drug rehab, 12-step groups
Someone help us!
I finally had to…
Let you go.

As the last threads unraveled

The fraying had only begun to work on another dream---
The dream of keeping my other children safe…
From you.
We buy another safe, install new locks, hide things.
Crouched down, hiding in the closet
“What’s happening Mom?”
Pleading faces begging for freedom
From someone else’s chains.
It’s not fair.

Waiting in front of that lonely jail

Until they call his name.
We are less than human here.
No one knows our pain.
Herded through thick, black doors, slammed and locked behind.
Through the glass on muffled phones
What do we say?
Well, at least he is safe now.
This is what safety has become.

 But there is another safety

That I live in…
Another dream that can’t unravel.
A stronger safety, a Savior
Jesus.
He has written the rest of this redemption story
And one day I will read it.
The miracle story of amazing grace will go something like this…

 

Luke 8:26-39

“Have you seen the monster?!” I heard a child say.

“He runs around naked every day.

He screams and cuts himself with stones

And hides in caves full of dead men’s bones.

My dad told me never, no never go near.

He even whispered in my ear…

“He’s violent, he must be chained up alone.

He’s crazy. I think his mind is blown.

His hair is wild, a child of the devil.

Crime after crime, all he does is evil.”

 I wanted to scream, “That man is my son!

I birthed him and nursed him.

I remember him young.

Innocent, pure, running, free.

Laughing and grinning high up in a tree.

He’d bring me flowers and call out my name

“Mommy! Come quick! I just caught a fish!

Mommy! Do you want to know what I wished?!”

Small, grubby arms wrapped round my neck

Sticky wet kisses smacked straight on my lips.

Long, deep gazes into my eyes.

I loved that child.

I’d give him my life.

 Wrong choices snowballed until one day

He walked out my door and went far away.

He never said good-bye.

He just left. And I watched him painfully step by step

Grow farther and farther beyond my grasp.

And then he was gone.

I knelt to pray.

And that’s what I’ve done ‘til this very day

When he burst through my door

And yelled “Mom! I’m healed!

My chains are gone! I can think! I can feel!

Hug me! I’m clean! I’m whiter than snow!

Jesus came and made me whole!”

 Now many had told me “Get up off your knees.

It’s hopeless. You failed to meet all his needs.

It’s too late. He’s gone. Just go hide your face.

But I know my God. He’s so full of grace!

He saw not a monster, but His dear child’s face,

Twisted and tortured and full of disgrace.

He loved that child. He gave him His life.

And now this whole village has come to know Christ!

 

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners…”Isaiah 61:1

                           “…no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.” Isaiah 64:4

                           “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
                           Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:13,14