The Only Baby Carrier Approved for Adult Children

When my first child was a baby, we owned a front pack, a backpack, a sling and even an African baby carrier that doubled as a dress somehow. Our firstborn spent much of the day moving between packs as I awkwardly tried to follow (at least for this only child) the parenting philosophy that stressed the importance of carrying a baby as much as possible.  I wore a bandana to keep my hair from being mercilessly pulled out while I did the dishes with him in the backpack. I read book after book as he often napped in my arms.  And (I can’t believe I actually did this) I walked through our neighborhood on hot sunny days carrying an umbrella over him in the front pack. Looking back now, it’s rather embarrassing. But I was so in love with this baby, and each successive child also. It was a joy to carry them. By baby number four my life was such a blur I would sometimes totally forget I was carrying him. I distinctly remember one Sunday walking around the church nursery searching for my child to pick up, only to finally realize that he was already there on my hip. I really could have used a vacation.

Anyway, eventually my children grew up. I can’t carry them anymore, even emotionally. Gone are the days when I could kiss away their owies, read them a story and tuck them safely into bed in their Winnie-the-pooh sleepers. And yet, I still try to carry them. I find myself going down the list in my mind, from neediest to most secure. “Are they okay? Are they safe? Do they need me for anything? Have I prayed for them enough?” If I feel they’re all fairly stable I relax, but stability doesn’t seem to happen very often. And so… I have to make myself let go. All that carrying definitely bonded me to them—like superglue. Letting go is not that easy.

When my kids were little, carrying them was a joy—it was fulfilling and something I could do. Now, as my children are grown, they are way too heavy for me to carry in any way, and when I try to carry them it actually feels like a burden. It’s too much for me. I’m not strong enough. I just can’t do it. When I realize this, and sit down and give up trying, I can collapse into fear, or… I can ask God to help me trust Him to carry my burdens.

Psalm 68:19 (NIV) says “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.”  I think God wants us to be like children, who can skip carefree alongside their Daddy, as He carries the weight that is way too heavy for us. My mother-bear heart finds it really hard to release control of that burden to anyone else, even God. Why do I have such a hard time trusting Him? But I believe God’s Word is true. So, here goes—I’m closing my eyes and letting go.

Today I choose to trust God to carry my children. He is able and willing, and he actually really enjoys it, not only carrying my children, but watching me skip joyfully beside Him.

Father, please increase my faith to trust You more fully… because You are worthy.