Armed and Dangerous

I wander through the mall, my heart breaking as I remember my son’s eyes—like windows barely cracked open, hiding the widespread destruction wrought by the enemy of his soul. How can I go shopping while he carries such pain? I have to let him go, but I cannot. I love him.

This week I have battled to find peace-- fear trying to devour me. But fear will never win this war. I am a daughter of The Most High God, indwelt by the Holy Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead. And though I am merely a child in the arms of her Father, I am armed and dangerous. I am not like the unarmed crew of a cargo ship, hiding below deck from attacking pirates. I will fight on my knees until my son is set free.

The lie is that I am powerless. The truth is that I have been given weapons, and “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10:4

I may feel afraid at times, but I will draw my sword and run straight toward the enemy because I have the name of Jesus, the blood of Jesus, the Word of God, the power of the Holy Spirit, and massive angels running with me.

All too often I catch myself feeling like I can’t rest, can’t relax the fight, as if my son’s life depended on me. How foolish! I am called to the front lines, but I am carried there by the LORD. And when I need to rest, the One who holds me securely in His arms continues to fight for me. Romans 8:26 says “…the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”

Waiting

“Since ancient times no one has heard,

no ear has perceived,

no eye has seen any God besides you,

who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

 Isaiah 64:4

 

When I was about eleven I was hospitalized for a surgery on my leg. I remember feeling panicky, suffocating in loneliness as I lay in that bed alone in my room. I was waiting for my dad to come. He was my security. I pressed the call button and asked the nurse to be sure to send him in to me when he came to the desk no matter how late it got. I needed him and I was waiting for him with intensity, knowing he would take care of me.

Now I do not know if my dad knew how intently I was waiting for him, but I know that if I knew one of my children was waiting for me like that--- I would do just about anything to get to them. And I believe that when God sees our hearts waiting for Him, trusting He will come, His father heart cannot turn away. He acts.

 

“So Jesus, I am waiting for YOU. All my hope for my children is in You. I trust You. I know You will act on my behalf, because You love me as Your dear child. Thank-you LORD. You are my security.”

Behold Our God!

Today as I read Isaiah 62 I am captured by God’s passion for Israel and His plan that they would be a light to lead the rest of the nations into the knowledge of Him. Isaiah 62:1 says… “For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, for Jerusalem’s sake I will not remain quiet, till her righteousness shines out like the dawn, her salvation like a blazing torch.” This is the greatness of our God! He will not give up. Relentless, He will keep speaking, keep pursuing, until His people burst forth in the brilliant glory of salvation. He is a Warrior, abandoned in love, and He wins His bride over. His undying, overcoming love for Israel, a child who has rejected Him and repeatedly rebelled against Him, is to be a banner for all the world to see how great is the love and commitment He has to redeem us. It’s like He’s standing up on a high platform, holding up this banner, His relationship with Israel, and shouting to us, “THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!”

This is our God! As we pray for our children I believe He pursues them with all the passion of Isaiah 62.

Isaiah 62:6 and 7 say… “I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the LORD, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.” God has called people to pray for Israel until her salvation shines out like a blazing torch, and God has also set us up like this as watchmen to pray for our children. He has invited us into the battle to pray in His purposes for them.

Let us be strong and never give up, until their righteousness and salvation blaze forth. And then may they become bright torches to lead others through the dark into the arms of the LORD also.

A Parent's Mirage of Control

Preoccupied with housework, I was oblivious to what was going on around me. As my husband would say, I usually don’t notice the pink elephant on the side of the road as we drive by. I remember one time my child thoroughly painted himself, the TV and nearly everything nearby with shortening while I was clueless, baking bread in the same room. Anyway, back to the story… suddenly I realized that all the while I was daydreaming, my husband had been putting up Christmas decorations. Without my notice, our house had been transformed into something resembling K-Mart at Christmastime, on steroids. Gaudy red and green adornments glared at me everywhere I turned, like neon signs.

 Ugh! I panicked. Quickly I did the math and realized it was only mid-November. How was I ever going to make it all the way to Christmas, at which time I could finally take them down? Panic soon gave way to boiling over anger. How could my husband do this when he knows how I hate knickknacks, especially around the holidays? Seething, I tried to get up and follow him out the door to tell him how angry I was before he left me fuming for the rest of the day. But, for the life of me, I couldn’t get up. I struggled against an unseen force that held me paralyzed until finally… I woke up. I sprang to my feet only to relax into the wonderful realization that it had all been a dream.

I hate to admit it, but having a nightmare like this one is probably a sure sign of being a control freak. Needless to say, I like having my environment orderly and simple. I am easily overwhelmed by clutter. It seems a large part of my time is spent trying to keep my life, possessions, responsibilities and relationships all at a manageable level, where I feel a sense of control.

The issues involved with having a prodigal child are not manageable. I cannot control his choices, his safety, his happiness, his effect on family dynamics, or his beliefs about me or about God. Deep down I feel responsible for all these things because he’s my son. But the other day I sensed God speak to me about my children. He quietly said, “Let’s think about them as My kids.” It’s a subtle shift in thought, but it takes the pressure off. Instead of feeling like I’m responsible, it helps me let go of that need for control because, as their Father, God has assumed the responsibility for my kids. Their salvation and the full rescue and redemption of their lives is in His hands. He calls me simply to walk alongside them, follow the Shepherd’s voice, and to “Be still, and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

I Fix My Eyes on the Truth

One of our sons just got out of prison. What a joy to have him home—a sweet reunion. Trust restored, deep love is enjoyed again, a fresh start. We thank the LORD.

But Sunday night we received a call… another son is in jail. Too many unknowns… calls, visits and letters are monitored. Will we ever know the truth? Will we ever know the extent of all he’s lived through already at his young age?

The hopeless-looking aspects of his situation are large and in my face again. How do I look past them and fix my eyes on the Unseen? 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV) says “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” I know God has given me this word to hang onto during this time in my life. It gives me hope, reminding me that there is much more here than I can now see. There is another realm, another kingdom that is fighting for my son’s life. And the kingdom of light is stronger than the kingdom of darkness.

So today I fix my eyes… over and over again, on the eyes of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am desperate and He is my Hero. I relax into His warm, moist eyes that speak compassion, gentle kindness and understanding. He knows my heart. Even when I am numb and wonder why I don’t feel, He knows what’s buried down deep that hurts too much for me to let rise. He knows me. He holds my heart in His tender hands and I fix my eyes on the nail holes and remember what it cost Him to now hold my heart. I am safe with Him because He values me that much.

I fix my eyes on the truth that nothing is impossible with God, and that He has already broken the power of sin over my son, and bought him with His blood when He died on the cross for him.

I fix my eyes on the truth that Jesus came to seek and to save the lost and He will not be denied.

I fix my eyes on the truth that Jesus’ loving-kindness is leading my child to repentance.

Today, no matter what is happening in the natural I will fill my eyes with the solid rock of God’s Word and I will pray it over my son, declaring the supremacy of the kingdom of Light over the kingdom of darkness. Whenever the “seen” blocks my view I will pray that Jesus will show me what is behind it in the unseen realm. And I will pray into that.

And I will let myself rest, like a child held tightly in her daddy’s gaze, safe… because The Unseen wins.

 

Childbirth Class for Parents of Prodigals

When I think of “fixing my eyes” on something I remember childbirth classes. It was there that those of us who could no longer see our toes and who had no clue as to what lay before us, gathered excitedly to learn how to have a baby. There we were taught that the key to enduring the excruciating pain of labor and delivery was to relax and breathe while we fixed our eyes on a focal point.

Our instructor taught us to find something in the room that would receive our concentrated attention throughout each contraction. I found the clock on the wall. The strategy was that as soon as the contraction began I would concentrate all my effort on relaxed breathing, and fix my eyes on that clock, my focal point. I knew that if I lost focused connection the pain would be too much for me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Being the strong woman that I am, I soon found out that “not being able to handle it” meant I would resort to screaming uncontrollably. (I had such a shy, reserved personality that I always wondered if I would know how to scream if I was attacked. Yes, I know how.)

Meanwhile, while I obsessively focused my eyes on the clock, I also focused my ears on my husband’s voice telling me over and over again about the beach. “You’re lying on the shore, listening to the lulling of the waves, feeling the sunshine and the warm wind caressing your skin. You’re hearing the seagulls singing overhead and the children building sandcastles nearby.” He soon was putting everyone else in the room to sleep while I clutched onto his words like a lifeline.

Likewise, I have had times of agonizing pain as my children have struggled in their push toward independence. Such incomparably deep love for my child, and yet “Just get this baby out!” Much like contractions, I have experienced wave after wave of fear, guilt, anger, shame, grief, and sorrow.

I haven’t found a class on how to get through these contractions, but I have found a focal point that works better than a clock. 2 Corinthians 4:18 says “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

My focal point is to be the unseen… what in the world does that mean? I believe it means I am to fix my eyes (use all my strength to aggressively think about, as if my life depended on it, because it does) on God—His nature, His promises, His Word, His Presence, His power, His angels all around me, His tender love for me and my children, and His redemption of our lives. If I let my eyes slip down and my ears stop listening to His voice, I can’t handle it. I then am left with resorting to plan B… “B” for becoming an emotional wreck.

As I read 2 Corinthians 4:18 today I was captured by the part that says “what is seen is temporary.” Temporary things are changeable. They are movable and flimsy. What I see right now in the natural can be changed through prayer. So I must learn to look right past it to what is unseen and eternal, and pray in what I see.   “Jesus, please keep speaking to me, like my husband telling me about the beach. Keep me focused on the Unseen.”

The Adventures of Faith and Hope, Siamese Twins

One day Faith and Hope (Siamese twins joined at the hip and each possessing only one leg) began a journey to the top of a mountain. The mountain was called “Loving a Child”. As they began the climb, they had seemingly endless energy, even though they got little sleep. They laughed and delighted in every step, rapidly falling in love with the mountain. Together they bent down to smell the flowers and stopped along the way to lay down in the grass. Gazing up into the clouds they dreamt of what it would be like to reach the top. These early days required strength and patience, but every night as they collapsed into sleep beneath the stars they continued to dream of each new treasure they would find as they progressed up the mountain.

But then it happened. One day Hope tripped and fell on a large, jagged rock that blocked her path. Her one leg was badly wounded. Of course, Faith toppled down with her and they both lost a lot of blood. Desperate, Faith turned to the LORD and cried out for help. “God, speak to me!” God sent forth His Word and she was strengthened. She stood upright and Hope rose with her. Together they continued on their journey, though now it was more painful. Walking with a limp, they realized (what they could not see before they fell) that this wild mountain was steep and rugged and they would need to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus as He led them. Otherwise, as they limped, their path would take them in circles.

As Hope and Faith continued their ascent, Hope’s knee occasionally buckled, pulling them both down again. But they had learned that they could rise quickly if Faith took the lead and cried out to Jesus to lift them back up. Every time this happened, He was faithful to speak the Word they needed to hear that would simultaneously give Faith strength to rise and Hope courage to follow.

One day as they stopped beside a river to drink and rest, they looked and saw how far they’d come. They even saw several dangerous cliffs that they had never even realized were there, slightly off to the side of their path. From where they rested, they could see other Siamese twins coming behind them, also limping. Hope and Faith called out to them, “Keep going! We’re almost there! Jesus is leading you safely! Just keep following Him!”

And then, with the top of the mountain still hidden behind the clouds, Faith and Hope lifted their eyes upward. They searched for the face of Jesus until they were locked in, and continued on…one limping step at a time, but much stronger now than they ever were at the start of their journey.

 

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13(NIV)